Daughter getting married

Christopher · 21 April 2012, 18:28

My elder daughter Claire is getting married next month. Anyone got any half respectable jokes for the father of the bride's speech please?

Trailer Guy · 21 April 2012, 18:55

She's all grown up now (etc etc), but I remember taking her to ride on the carousel when she was younger... it used to outrage the staff at Heathrow Airport

Trailer Guy · 21 April 2012, 19:02

Secrets to a Happy Marriage:
1. It is important to find a woman that cooks and cleans.
2. It is important to find a woman that makes good money.
3. It is important to find a woman that likes to have sex.
4. It is important that these three women never meet.

Trailer Guy · 21 April 2012, 19:03

I don't understand why Christians are against gay marriage.
Jesus had two dads, he turned out alright.

too far?

clydeoutboards · 21 April 2012, 19:16

I was shocked when she told me she was going to go xxxxx on honyemoon as the groom said he was going to bangor for 2 weeks.

to far????

captainpugwash · 21 April 2012, 19:43

Quote:

Originally Posted by Christopher

My elder daughter Claire is getting married next month. Anyone got any half respectable jokes for the father of the bride's speech please?

I overheard Claire talking to her mother last week.
She said she was getting very nervous about the wedding day.
Her mother said to her don't worry darling you just have to take the day in small steps.

First of all you walk up the Aisle with your father.
Then when you have walked up the Aisle you arrive at the Altar.
Once you have arrived at the Altar we all sing a Hymn.

So all you have to say to yourself is................
AISLE ALTAR HYMN. AISLE ALTAR HYMN. AISLE ALTAR HYMN.

Have a great day Chris.
Does the best joke get a future tube discount.

Nasher · 21 April 2012, 19:59

The toast -

To our wifes, and our Girlfriends.
.
.
.
.
May they never meet.

Nasher.

Alan Priddy · 21 April 2012, 20:01

Hi Chris. It seems that suggestions are coming in thick and fast. In any event congratulations. With one of my other hats on I script read speeches and presentations before they are presented so if you would like me to give it the once over wing it over to me and I will have a look. Cheers Alan P

Chris · 21 April 2012, 21:19

Start the speech like this

Fornication...cough
Fornication... cough cough
Fornication....cough cough

FOR AN OCCASSION such as this....etc.

Worked well for me as a best man...

Trailer Guy · 22 April 2012, 16:59

hahaha! like this one! ^^^

Simon B · 22 April 2012, 18:33

AISLE, ALTAR, HYMN, that'll probably get the best laugh from those un-married and low resigned groan from those who are...

actions · 22 April 2012, 19:13

I closed my best man speech with,

"If you ever need any help or a favour, dont ever hesitate to call..... (pause for the arghs from the guests then follow it up with)
"The Samaritans".
Worked a treat.

You could also adjust this one slightly to come from your perspective. Again it got a huge laugh.

"One of my duties as best man, is getting Matt prepared for his big day. I made sure that he was properly dressed and arrived at the church sober and on time. My one disappointment though, would have to be failing to arrange his last request as a single man. "

"Unfortunately due to very strong protests from the "Do-gooders" at the Sheep Welfare Council, they wouldn’t allow it to happen. "

And another

Matt is actually a man of many hidden talents…
And as soon as I find one I will let you know!

Christopher · 22 April 2012, 20:31

Thanks for all the posts. Some good material, some of which I can use! Keep them rolling in

I am going to be a very proud father on the day. Claire and her fiancée Chris have been together for 9 years and both work in the industry, she for Spinlock and Chris as general manager at the UKSA in Cowes.

Thanks again

ashbypower · 24 April 2012, 20:35

Turn to the Groom, and say " At this point I would like to qoute Winston Churchill.... It will be Long, It will be hard BUT you should not withdraw

chewy · 24 April 2012, 21:03

Maybe not suitable for you but:

"Been best man is like making love to the Queen, its a great privelage but no one actually wants to do it!"

Christopher · 23 May 2012, 18:04

Quote:

Originally Posted by captainpugwash

I overheard Claire talking to her mother last week.
She said she was getting very nervous about the wedding day.
Her mother said to her don't worry darling you just have to take the day in small steps.

First of all you walk up the Aisle with your father.
Then when you have walked up the Aisle you arrive at the Altar.
Once you have arrived at the Altar we all sing a Hymn.

So all you have to say to yourself is................
AISLE ALTAR HYMN. AISLE ALTAR HYMN. AISLE ALTAR HYMN.

Have a great day Chris.
Does the best joke get a future tube discount.

Well the wedding was spectacular. Took place the Saturday before last, and the sun shone all day. Only one minor problem was the band, who were travelling to Somerset from the Isle of Wight, broke down on the A303 with a cylinder head gasket blown and they just made it by 9.30pm in a hire van!!
Thanks Captain pugwash, used AISLE ALTAR HYMN which got a good laugh. Call me when you want a new set of tubes!!