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In view of the shock that this situation has brought about, I'd like to suggest the name
Bugger !
as it will be apt for him throughout his whole life.
As a newborn, he'll be a little bugger
To his mother, he'll be a hungry bugger
As a teenager, he'll be a smelly bugger
When he misbehaves, he'll be a silly bugger
If he goes to university, he'll be a clever bugger
If he becomes a tradesman, he'll be a crafty bugger
And when he becomes decrepit like me, he'll just be an old bugger
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