Not quite - nor as funny, but both sad and brilliant. Below is on the shortlist for a BBC Scotland competition to find the nation's favourite poem as voted by the public. Winner to be announced later today - Burn's day.
Lernin
thi wummin iz standin
by thi doar
the wee boy iz rite
inside thi shoap
thi man iz bitween
thi wummin
an thi boy
thi wee boy iz greetin
wi hiz hole body
thi wee shoodurz
shuddur
inside thi bobbly lookn
jumpur wi
sumthin sticky smujd
doon thi frunt
teerz make white scarz
throo thi muck
oan hiz crumply face
thi man goze
fukn MOOV
ah telt yi
moov it
NOW
thi wee laddy
greets hardur
mummy
he sayz
hiz arms reechin up
tay hur
mummy ah wont YOO
mummy PLEEZ
thi wummin
looks it thi boy
her eyebrows rinkul
hur body twitchiz
taywordz thi bairn
then she stops
looks it thi man
jist yoo stay
rite thare hen
he sayz
ahv telt yi bifore
dinny giv inty him
thi boyz goaty lern
yi heer mi?
thi boyz goaty lern
