BARNSLEY CHOP
You Know you're Barnsley if...
* You define Summer as three months of bad coal picking.
* Your definition of a small town is one that only has five pubs.
* Bull bars, 'Tarn Army' and 'traffic light' air fresheners come standard on all your cars.
* You refer to the Tykes as "we."
* At least 50% of your relatives used to work downt pit.
* You can make sense out of the word Asthagorowttegivus.
* You have ever gotten frostbitten and suntanned in the same week.
* You identify a Sheffield accent as "Southern".
* You know what "twocking" is. (Taking Without Owners Consent)
* You learned to drive a Reliant Robin before the training wheels were off your bike.
* "Down South" to you means Chapletown.
* Traveling coast to coast means going from Wath-on Dearne to the Ladybower Res.
* The "Big Five" means LYONS CAKES, S.R. GENT, SLAZENGER, SHAW CARPETS & WOMBWELL FOUNDRY.
* Snap is something you eat.
* You know that a bag of spice is something kids eat.
* You were brassed off by the movie "Brassed Off."
*You have no problem saying Peniston.
* You consider Holmfirth "exotic."
* You got a passport to go to Leeds.
* Your idea of foreign culture is listening to Oasis.
* You don't have a coughing fit from one sip of Barnsley Bitter.
* Summat to Eight is a meal, not the time of day.
* You used to think Mischievous Night was included as an official school holiday.
* You know that Jump is a real place.
* You have one word that means Hello, How are you,Whats this, Hang on a minute and bloody hell! (Ayup..)
* A Chip oil and a Bug oil is a grand night owt.
* Eastern Promise is a blind date in Doncaster.
* Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a miner next to your Leylandii.
* You think there should be a "Southern puff, go home" bumper sticker on every car north of Ecclesfield.
* Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new flymo.
* A Friday night out is taking your girlfriend yomping up the tips with the rotweiller.
* McDonalds is a posh night up town.
* You go to work in a shellsuit in the morning and return home wearing someone else's shorts.
* Kids roar..
* You know how to line dance.
* pop is a drink, not your grandad
* Formal wear is a kappa shirt, union jack boxers and a baseball cap.
* You think a warm winter coat is Thompsons Waterseal
* You are unaware there is a legal drinking age.
* You have to go to Tererife to get a tan in August.
* You have caught a fish in the Dearne and it glowed in the dark.
* You know where the towns of Pogmoor and Pilley are
* You have more fishing poles than teeth...
* You decided to have a picnic this summer because it fell on a weekend .
* You know that "Oo war shi wi", "She wa wi ersen", O wa Shee Naa" "aaah shi wa" isn't Chinese
*You proudly claim that the Town Hall is the highest point in Yorkshire.
*You have subsidence insurance.
*Your idea of a cruise ship is a tin bath in the Dearne, and your idea of a foreign cruise ship is rowing boat on Elsecar Reservoir.
*You can pronounce "Alhambra" but can't spell it.
*If someone says "Castlereagh," "Pitt" or "Peel" you think Street instead of Prime Minister
*You get on a bus marked "Jump Circular" without a second thought.
*You can cross two lanes of heavy traffic and U-turn through a central reservation while avoiding two joggers and a traccy bus then fit into the oncoming traffic flow while never touching the brake.
*You can consistently be the second or third person to run a red stop light.
*You got rear-ended 10 times by people with no insurance.
* The major question when the Barnsley Chronicle runs a restaurant review is "Whats a restaurant?"
*The rest of the review is about how Barnsley got all cosmopolitan when Burtons sold out to Ronald McDonald
*You judge a cafe by its black pudding and gravy.
*You consider having warm chips and a pickled onion as your birthright.
*You call drinking water "Dearne Valley Pop".
You visit another town and they "claim" to have Barnsley Chop -- but you know better.
White Noise
